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- turning into Cilla Black
- being shunned
- being branded a loony
- being arrested
- contracting herpes
- falling under their power
- being divorced
- being considered strange
- appearing as a guest in the nutters spot on Fortean TV
- being cloned
- being sucked into their evil scheme
- buying some Amway products
- being branded a Trekkie
- infection from sexually transmitted library books
- meeting Jimmy Hill
- actually becoming the Messiah
- being exposed as the Antichrist
- being exposed as Satan
- being burped
- athletes foot
- missing all the best films on TV
- a good kicking
- being hunted down by the one armed man
- assassination
- being mistaken for John Major
- being shot in the street like the dog you are
- appearing on This Morning
- nuclear contamination
- being mistaken for a normal person
- being mistaken for David Hasslehoff
- working in McDonalds for the rest of your worthless life
- being mistaken for Jelly
- being mistaken for Satan
- appearing on Songs of Praise
- being mistaken for God
- being mistaken for The Messiah
- appearing on TVAM
- being mistaken for Adolf Hitler
- a stubbed toe
- being mistaken for Anne Widdicombe
- getting a bad sprain
- being mistaken for the Antichrist
- a chinese burn
- wetting your pants
- being hit with sticks
- being eaten by Spiny Norman
- being rogered by pink elephants
- being morphed into Lionel Blair
- being morphed into Tony Blair
- being morphed into John Major
- being branded a bum
- being sucked into another dimension
- being stuck in the Gamma Quandrant
- being admitted to a mental institution
- having to admit you have a problem
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